The ones that hit you by surprise are the worst.

I was hit by a wave of depression today that took me by surprise. Just got in from a nice lunch break spent with colleagues when suddenly there it was.

If I’m honest I had been expecting it since Saturday. I went to see a show in London, one of my favourite pastimes, but also one of my biggest depression triggers. I would love more than anything to be a theatre actress but unfortunately I just don’t have the talent, and seeing shows always reminds me that I’m not doing the thing that I love and never will be.

For some reason the depression episode was delayed and hit me just now. The horrible self loathing thoughts came back and I’m just sat at my desk not knowing what to do or how to focus.

There isn’t much of a point to this post and the self-pity. I’m just at a loss and need to tell someone but don’t have anyone here to tell. So I’m telling the universe.